Unconscious Processes

Consciously speaking! ….on the Unconscious

I have been ruminating on various aspects of Unconscious processes for last few days.

The process of exploring the unconscious began with certain observations. My study group discussed what unconscious means to each one of us. The answers varied from “the unawares behaviour” to “gut feeling” to “instinct or intuition” to “something that is underlying to the existential” to “a given process that is unconscious till one is aware of it and is willing to explore”. Interesting mix of expressions! Here, as I write, it strikes me that the meaning is expressed in terms of personal unconscious and nothing that talks about unconscious group processes.

I was introduced to the concept of unconscious processes sometime in December 2007, when I had attended a session on dreams. This covered one aspect of unconscious. Dreams, in my opinion, are expressions of an individual in his/her most fluid state. Dreams happen when one is not physically in a state to analyze i.e.is not fully conscious and is not processing data. The thinking and functioning brain is asleep and the sub-conscious surfaces. I am not too fond of dreams, as I tend to wake up feeling restless the next day. I have tried to note down my dreams and re-visit them to explore deeper to find meaning in it. However the attempts have not added to my learning, so far. In fact, I dream when I have upset stomach and the dreams are often a weird ride through my past and present, consisting of many people and locations. With exception of three dreams, that I remember vividly, there is nothing to look forward to. The ones that I do remember are noted in my memory with dates and details. I see the same dream like a motion picture time and again. The space and location that I am in, in the dream gives me a sense of calm and space. I have noted that I often visit these dream locations when I have met with success or on completion of complicated tasks. So, if I were to interpret it, I would say that this particular location might be my personal haven, a place to retreat and relax, a place that gives me peace.

Two of my close friends have recently shared their experiences of unconscious processes with me. I received both these experiences differently. In one of the cases I felt myself traveling along with my friend on his journey into the unconscious and felt a sense of homecoming when he concluded.

On the other hand, the second narration brought goose bumps to my arms. I felt awed by the magnitude of the experience. I feel that such experiences are possible when one is deeply connected with self and the other. I was also reminded of a similar experience that my mother had shared with me. In both cases, there was transition from one life to another. A stage, I believe where energy is transformed and hence is at a peak in its active performance. The experience hence, seems ethereal. This takes me to my favorite belief that energies of the universe are here to guide me and hold me. It depends on my willingness to be guided and my capacity to hold, how much of this energy is experienced by me. It also leads me to a conclusion that IT(energy) exists, whether it is seen and experienced by me/us or not.

Coming back to the exploration, I was asked, “Why do you want to look at the unconscious?” I realized that it was the mystery and aura surrounding the word that had drawn me to explore. I have often heard PDP and professional members say that there is something unconscious happening here. But, they have rarely explained what they mean by it. In absence of exploration/understanding/explanation, I am inclined to think that this word and expression is being used as some kind of a process for scoring a point over the other/s.

I feel that there are two aspects of unconscious. One is the unconscious of the person. That, which is unknown and is yet to surface within a person! The journey from unconscious to awareness is when the person becomes more and more of his own self.

Second aspect is that of some unconscious processes happening within a group. For example, in a lab nearing the closure invariably someone talks about a death and the group shares experiences around the same topic. Someone attempting to explain what the meaning of unconscious processes is, quoted the above example to me. There might be several such instances of unconscious processes happening within a lab, a family, a society and a group of people. Like in a family expecting a baby, everyone is tuned in to the needs of a pregnant mother, spoken or unspoken.

Freud and Jung are two names that I have heard in conjunction with the concept of unconscious. So I hit the net to find data on unconscious. There are books and more books & papers written on the subject. Interestingly, most of the reading material refers to unconscious of a person. Almost all the reading material refers to the work done by Freud and later by Jung. There is little or no reference to the unconscious processes in T-groups. The reading material describes such processes at most as collective behaviours exhibited by groups. These are often reported back as observations on group behaviour, which becomes a trigger for personal exploration.

Hence, I am left with a thought that when someone says that there is unconscious at play, they are actually referring to their own unsettled, unaware state of mind.

Over a cup of tea

कूछ बातें ऐसी ही ....

Responsibility, Commitment, Attachment.

What is about expectations and these words that is alive in me for last 24 hours?
It’s my expectation that one should at least be responsible enough to call in and keep the loved ones informed that one is going to be late. In age of superfast tech savvy gen next this is not very difficult. But then, who am I to make such demands? To each his own! Ha!ha! Ain’t that easier said than done?!

Hmm… thinking it over, this action or inaction has nothing to tech support. It is about being aware or having that sense.

But as I explore deeper within self, I realize that it is my need to adhere to stereotypes in a relationship and expect the same actions that I perform. The stereotype of returning home at a certain time, the stereotype of keeping someone informed when I am late, the stereotype of husband and wife. Its my need to get rid of my worry and anxiety. The expectation that family should dine together once a day, is completely baseless. Why? What if it does not? Those upholding the value system are going to give me long list of things on why family should dine together etc. and they may be right about it all. Fact is that it’s my need for company and complete displeasure of eating alone.

Evolution and change is not limited to physical looks alone, I guess. Man (and woman, too!) would certainly think and develop different values from that of the previous generation. So, here I am, on a see-saw, trying to understand and to seek meaning (with zero success) in something that’s different from my expectations. Yet, unable to let go of the expectations and just accept things for what they are.

At the same time, I am quiet thankful that I still have my sanity and not being a complete stereotype of a wife. A chance remark by my brother has left me thinking about the expectations from husband-wife relationship. He said to me utterly frustrated the other day, “G, this marriage business is too taxing yaar! Since the wedding, I find myself shouldering umpteen responsibilities. I am quiet ok with most but am totally lost and weighed down by the responsibility of keeping my wife entertained.” I can understand why and know for a fact that his frustration is shared by at least 90% of my male friends. Their wives seem to have lost all personal agendas post marriage, so much so there are no personal friends, no independent plans, no girls’ night out. May be a routine job or sometimes not even that. Heaven help! This is one stereotype that I can do without.

Interesting the twists and turns of life. The Hide and seek of expectations being fulfilled and not.

कुछ दिल ने कहा
कुछ भी नाही
कुछ दिल ने सुना
कुछ भी नाही

Adios

I bid goodbye to one of my wedding gifts today. A gas range gifted by a dear friend. It had served me faithfully for last 10 years before finally looking worn out. Just like my relationship with this friend. We shared a close bond for almost 10 years from 1989 to 1999. Time and distance played its part and the friendship is surviving on memories today. Its like a beautiful silk carpet, where threads are loose but the motifs are intact!

Over the years there are so many others things that have slipped out of my life to make way for new ones. People, hobbies, interests, material things and much more. I am looking at the years in two distinct compartments, before marriage and after marriage. Why am I slotting my life in this fashion? Why is marriage the dividing milestone? Well, life sure changed the most after marriage.

In the last few years, I have unknowingly said goodbye to the concept of “me” and “mine”. I seem to have grown into “us” and “ours”. Some of my friends would surely look at it from a feminist point of view and lecture me on preserving my identity and look after myself etc. But honestly, I have only blossomed in this enriching experience called marriage. My individuality is intact amongst “Us”. I have happily grown into the relationship that is “Ours” to nurture.

Another thing that I have parked for a while now is painting. It’s more of an “au revoir” to painting than adieu. In painting I used to find a platform of expressing my thoughts and feelings. The need to paint faded in pursuit of career and youth. However, expression and creativity manifests itself in different forms and I found joy in writing. Very recently, I have discovered that I can write poetry too!

Late night parties, clubbing out, drinking binges and grouping about town has taken a walk out of life. Instead, I find myself reading late, watching movies, doing rounds of theaters and taking off out of town. I do miss the dancing at times!

Sweets are out and fruits are in!

Skirts were out but now they are in!

Friends of adolescence are distant! Friends of today are reality!

Temper is out Patience is in!

Lonliness is once upon a time! Comfort is always a given!

I am wondering whether these are finite changes? Frankly, I am not so bothered about whether the change is absolute and irreversible. I know it will not be so! That’s not me. I enjoy flowing with the moment. I enjoy looking at what has happened. As I explore what feelings are attached to the changes that I have recounted, I come up with one word – satisfaction. I have the satisfaction of having lived every moment to its fullest and having experienced every change in the moment. The transition has been gradual and flowing. I have been listening to my inner voice.

Signing off with a final thought on goodbyes!

Old and new
Jostling along
One moves ahead
One falls beyond

A tear falls
A smile dawns
A flower wilts
A Swing Tilts

He smiled and said,
Adieu my friend!
Au revoir! I said
It’s never the end…

Basic Instincts

Basic Instincts of a professional

We have all heard about basic instincts of mankind. These are unlearned responses to external stimuli. I am struck by some responses that are specific to the corporate world and are picked up by almost all professionals within first few days. We are so tuned in to these responses that we do not realize how and when we learnt them. These reflexes are instinctive and essential for corporate survival. I have decided to call them the basic instincts of a professional in the corporate world. These instincts lead to certain individual and collective behaviours. I have attempted to document these two aspects impacting professionals like us, in the following paragraphs.

Knowing the power centers – Now does that ring a bell for you? I am sure each one of you has either benefited or lost out due to knowing or not knowing who pushes the button! I believe that a smart professional will instinctively know where the power lies. S/he aligns with the power centers and seals own careers for better or for worse. You would agree I believe that designated authorities may or may not be the power centers. I have often seen the outsiders influencing the ones in authority. These influencing persons are the real power centers and they can make or break a career. In some cases you see the power vested very constructively. Case in point is the powerful chief mentor of Infosys. He has vested his team with the obvious areas of power. Yet he continues to hold the power and moves things at the Infy campus. Sadly, we have very few enlightened ones like him. Most often it is seen that vanity of the man takes away the construct from the power that he holds. It spawns a bevy of below average performers who believe that fawning over the power center will get them results. This, unfortunately, is the vicious circle. One creates the other and neither can exist without the other.

Aligning with the opinion makers – Often the instinct of those who have no opinion. Sometimes it is also the trait of the ones who are small fish and new entrants to the system. Successful leaders instinctively use the opinion makers to bring in change. It has the best of results in most cases unless there is a Mamta making opinions about a Nano! She did not even realize that the power that she was attempting to break would render her powerless. I know, I am digressing here and this is not strictly a corporate example. Nevertheless, I am sure you get the point here. Stay on the right side, if you have no opinion left!

Creating a pressure bank – This is a reaction to unattainable dictates of the management. It is a mass instinct and pressure builds simply by word of mouth. It is often, merely a perception of something that leads to pressure banks within the system.

Flocking – Birds of a feather flock together! Need I say more? Each one of us has been through the phenomenon.

Ignorance is Bliss – This is seen in most people who do not want to make decisions or take a call and close issues. Reasons are numerous. They may be poor decision makers. They may not feel good about something. They may not have necessary authority. They may be hesitant about the facts presented to them. Whatever, the reason such people generally procrastinate decision-making and refuse to acknowledge facts of a situation. They tend to shut their eyes and assume that a situation will resolve itself. In manpower related issues this can be extremely helpful to deal with insignificant inter-personal skirmishes. But it will prove to be extremely dangerous, if one does not recognize to separate the casual from significant.

“I am a Cat” Syndrome – This is typically seen in people with extreme confidence or complete stupidity of mind. They are engaged in activities that are being observed by all. But our man is either a bit over-confident due to proximity to power centers or un-aware as he thinks that he is working in secrecy. He has not disclosed to anyone what he is doing. Typically a cat that eats the cream with his eyes shut and believes that no one can see him.

Woodpecker strategy – People with these instincts keep working at the same thing with same pace for many years. They carve a niche for themselves out of sheer persistence and un-interrupted application.

When People Talk

When people talk do they have to go on and on?

I had a visitor to my desk today who spoke continuously for 20 minutes. And when he finally left 45 minutes later others on my team told me that I was spared easy, he being unwell. Phew! I had the choice to walk off but decided not to. One does not risk it with the guys who hold purse strings.

I have often wondered what is it that makes people talk so much. There are many kinds of folks. Some are informed and knowledgeable and have much to share. Some have nothing to share but enjoy listening to their own voice. Some feel that unless they repeat everything five times I will not comprehend what they want to say. And there are others who take pride in saying, “let me tell you”.

This last one always amuses me. What happens if I don’t let you…tell me … that is? Hee! Hee! I did that to one of the senior members of the family once. He complained to my dad and wrote off my parents for not having taught me manners. I was so happy. It was good riddens of bad rubbish! Till date!

I am curious about the ones who need to repeat what they say more than once. And this is not because I have not understood what they say. I am fairly ok in the department of grey cells and have no qualms in seeking clarifications when I do not follow what is being spoken. So I have concluded that such people have no confidence in their own oratory skills or articulation. I am also inclined to think that such folks are dim in head and often measure others by own yard stick. They cannot figure out what others are saying in the first attempt. So they assume that others are in the same boat.

The best conversations in my memory have been with people who can speak small simple sentences and are willing to listen as well as contribute with own thinking.
The best lectures and speeches have been where the speaker has established a dialogue with the audience. Fresh on my mind is US president-elect Barrack Obama. He talks to his people and the world around. He talks and seeks a response. And people listen to him transfixed!

There is so much joy in listening.

There is so much creativity in right words.

There is so much expression in poetry.

I feel sometimes that those who can speak abuse the gift of speech so much. We should declare it to be endangered art forms. At least, then I will not have to endure a bumbling oaf for 45 minutes…..