A whisper on my lips

She was getting ready to go out for a date. A chance date that had materialized out of the blue yesterday! She was home to spend some time in solitude, fix the leaking roof and sell the produce from small patch of land in the house that once belonged to her parents, now hers to tend to. She rarely sold the produce as she felt that the caretaker should benefit of it. The caretaker had been in the family for generations and traditionally the produce had been handed over to his family at a token amount of 1anna earlier, 1 rupee today. She often came home when the pressures and bustle of the city got to her. Being a freelancer had its advantages and usually she could take off at will to be in her childhood home. This time the attraction was the Festival of Performing Arts.

Yesterday’s event was special as her best friend was performing a ballet. She decided to reach the venue ahead of the actual show time in the hope of catching up with her before the show. As is always, backstage was extremely busy and she spoke with her friend for a total of five minutes with many interruptions. She decided to let her friend get on with preparations of the show, with a promise of dropping in at her place for lunch on Sunday. Now left with some time on hand, she decided to stroll through the exhibition stalls lining the premises of the huge auditorium. The shops were predictable – handicrafts of various states, textile merchants, local dresses and scarves, tourist mementoes and cards, a small book shop, a painter’s stall, some traditional craftsmen doing the lac bangles and mehendi and so on. It was still 45 mins to the main show. She decided to park herself on the bench by the riverside and read her book. At the far end of the premises, she saw a vendor selling coolers. She reached there and opted for a kokum soda. The tall glass with lots of ice looked yummy. Instantly refreshed, she walked on to the benches. There was an empty one under a huge banyan tree. That set her up for half an hour of reading.

“Well! Well! Is that really you?” said a voice from above her. She looked up from her book and saw him looking down at her, a distant recognition in his eyes and a question on his face.

As soon as she looked up, the curtain of hair parted to reveal the oval face he knew so well. The question in his eyes was replaced by a warm smile and he was joyous to see her. It was a pleasant surprise to find her there, sitting on the bench by the riverside. He wondered, whether she would recognize him?

She looked up at him and was instantly reminded of how handsome he used to be. Years had only added some grey to his hair. But nevertheless, she felt her heart skip a beat. She stood up in a single graceful movement and came up to his shoulder.

“What a pleasant surprise! What are you doing here?’ she asked

“Looking for you!” was the cheeky reply.

“Oh sure! And I believe you” she mocked.

Laughing the two of them sat down on the bench. They looked at each other once again, almost certain that neither of them was truly present in the frame!

“I am here to get some work done at my parents’ house and will be here for a couple of days more. My friend – Shalini, you know her- is performing a ballet in about 10 mins. I was early so decided to park myself in the shade and read. One can rarely do this in the city, you know! What the hell are you smiling about?” she spoke hastily and was perplexed to see him laughing.

“You still talk a dime a dozen and still explain everything that you do” he said. “I guess one never changes. I am still tongue tied as I used to be, looking at you and am wondering, if I can persuade you to bunk the ballet and spend the afternoon with me.”

“No chance that I will drop the ballet. Shalini will kill me and complain to her mom about me. I can suffer Shalini’s complaining but you know her mom. Do you really want me to suffer her chiding?”

“So let me join you and watch the ballet?”

She knew the tickets were sold out, yet she did not tell him, hoping to keep his company for a while longer as the two of them walked to the booking counter. Actually seeing him standing there was so unexpected. She admitted to herself that she was happy to see him.

At the counter, he turned to look at her and shrugged his shoulders, “I knew. But I was looking for an excuse to walk a few more steps with you.”

She did not know what to say. Both were suddenly uncomfortable and lapsed into a silence.

Finally, she heard the 3^rd bell and said goodbye to him. As she climbed the steps, he called out and ran upto her. “Let’s meet here around 10 in the morning tomorrow. The café down the road makes superb breakfast.” She nodded and disappeared in the crowd.

He continued to look at her receding back and remembered the time when he had sa

id bye to her 7 years back. It was the end of 3 years of college. Most them had chosen their careers and were moving to different locations. He had been to the station to say goodbye to friends. She was taking the train too. Most of the college seemed to be there at the station. As he said bye to her along with many others, he suddenly realized that this was the last time he would be able watch her smile. The sudden sense of loss was still fresh in his mind. He had an empty feeling in his stomach that time and he realized now that the feeling had been with him through the last 7 years. He realized this, when he came upon her today, sitting on the bench that had been his favourite for the last 10 days. He felt the warmth spreading across his body filling that emptiness.

The ballet was colourful and expertly choreographed. But today, her mind failed to see the graceful movements of the dancers. She hardly noticed that her friend had mastered the art and was now using it as a tool to make a strong social statement. Her mind kept taking her back to the guy standing on steps, telling her; not asking her, to meet him tomorrow. Someone she had rarely spoken to during the college time. They had been together at few parties, exchanged notes, spoken in the corridors but never bonded beyond knowing each other. But her pulse had quickened when she saw him today! She was already looking forward to tomorrow.

The doorbell rang and she heard akka opening the door. Before long she came in to tell her that the crop was ready for her inspection. As she went out akka noticed the pile of clothes on the bed and stopped.

“What is the occasion? What are you piling up the bed for?”

“I am going out to meet a friend. Can’t you see I am getting ready to go out? Tell me what I should wear.”

“Depends on where you are going and who you are meeting?”

“I don’t know where I will be going. I am meeting an old friend from college.” She realized that it had not occurred to her to check where they would be going. Then she remembered that he had spoken about the café. Finally she settled for the jeans and T-shirt. The clock was telling her that she was going to be behind schedule. She rushed out and zoomed out ignoring akka who came running after her to finish the chores and then go out.

She parked here scooty and picked her bag. As she turned, she saw him coming towards her.

“Hi!” he said opening his arms to give her a hug. The gesture was spontaneous and casual. It felt as if this was normal for buddies meeting after a long while. Yet, he felt that she was a bit awkward in his embrace and quickly moved away. He realized that, however natural the action may have been they had never been more than classmates. It’s possible that she may be married and would not be comfortable being hugged by another man. Or may be it is just the awkwardness of meeting someone after long time. Or may be she did not like the way he had summoned her here without checking, if she would indeed like to meet.

“Let’s walk across to the riverside and sit there. There is so much that I would like to catch up on. Where have you been since college? What do you do these days? Where do you live?” he said releasing her and turned on the narrow path to go to the riverside.

They walked in silence, each lost in own thoughts. As they sat on the bench, neither wanted to begin filling the gaps. Both of them were reluctant to be the first one to break the silence. It must have been a while since they were gazing at the water gushing by. They saw a small fisherman’s boat pass by and heard the boys on the boat making cat calls.

“Nothing changes here!” both exclaimed together breaking the awkward silence.

“Sure. And let me remind you mister that we were supposed to meet for breakfast. My stomach is growling. Where is this café? “

He was embarrassed that he had forgotten all about the breakfast and hurried to the café.

“You must be hungry. I am so sorry. It slipped my mind!” and almost as an afterthought he added “but then do you really need to eat. I mean a few meals skipped now and then will do you good you know!”

The waiter approached them before she could answer. If looks could kill he would have been dead. The choice was limited and they settled for eggs, sausages, bread, fruit and coffee.

“So tell me what have you been upto after college?” he enquired.

“I have been busy.” she replied “It takes lot of time, dedication and hard work putting on weight, you see!”

Amidst the laughter, the conversation was easy. They talked of what they were doing professionally and shared success stories from their careers. She was freelancing with newspapers and mostly covered the world of art & artists. He had worked in UK for 6 years with a consulting firm and was back in India on an assignment for the last year or so. Before long the breakfast was on their table. It was simple and tasty. The creamy scrambled eggs and crisp toast were done just right. They chatted about friends from college and who was doing what. He had stayed connected with the college crowd after he took up the posting in UK. Surprisingly, she had never been on any of the networks.

“How is it that you were never there on any of the networking sites? All of us always talk about you and have been searching you on the net. The old bunch of guys will be thrilled to know that I have met you. You must connect up with everyone.”

“I am not so keen on networking sites. Besides my work takes me into interiors, where net access is negligible. All available connectivity is used to upload my work to newspapers. Anyway, let me hear about you. How long do you plan to be here?” She said hurriedly.

He got the impression that she was brushing aside the subject and almost felt as if the disappearance was willful. He did not press the subject and signaled the waiter for the bill.

They returned to the art academy chatting about here and there but nothing in particular. Once at the academy they turned on the narrow path leading to the riverside and walked together up and down the river, enjoying the carefree chat and more importantly each other’s company. She was animatedly telling him about her investigations and report on one of the fast disappearing tribe of artists, how she had done a feature and promoted the cause of basic education for the tribal children , when his cell phone rang. She looked at the watch and realized that it was almost 2pm. She had promised akka that she will be back in a couple of hours and would take up the pending tasks. He finished his call and looked at her apologetically saying that he must attend to some work urgently. It should have been done a while back, but he had lost the sense of time. She was reluctant to part and he seemed hesitant too.

“What is it that you need to do? If it is mails you can do it from my place. I, too, need to finish some work with my caretaker. It will take me a couple of hours to get it done. You work from my place while I finish my chores.” She suggested.

“Brilliant! I have my laptop with me. I can get on to the net at your place and finish my work in a couple of hours. After that I am at your service the whole day. Let’s go.”

She drove back on her scooty all the time wondering whether she was mad to invite him home just like that. He was following her in the hired car and she could see him already working on his laptop. Once they reached home, she showed him into the living room and he was lost in his work. He hardly noticed when she left the room to attend to her duties.

He was composing the final draft when she walked in with two cups of tea. They sipped the tea in silence till he finished his work. It was 4.30 when he finally shut down his laptop. It was humid inside. She was perched on the railing of the verandah with her cup of tea thinking about what to do next. He was watching her from the window and saw her face light up. He knew she had hit upon some scatterbrain idea. She was famous in college days for spur of the moment plans. Inspite of himself he smiled, as he knew that no matter how scatterbrain the idea may be, he was going to give in.

“Let’s see if the motorbike is ok. If it is good we can drive up to the fort.”

She was already fetching the keys and running to start the bike. He followed her and watched as she made efforts to start the bike. Ten minutes later she lost her patience and declared that they should take the scooty and go. He grimaced at the thought of sitting on a small scooty and tried persuading her to take the car.

“But you know that the car cannot go up all the way! We don’t have time to climb up to catch the sunset. Don’t argue for heaven’s sake. Come on. I am ready. Are you coming?” She was already wearing her helmet and waiting for him to climb pillion. He knew that it would be a wasted effort to tell her to ride pillion. Besides, he had not been to the fort ever since he was in town. His thoughts were back into college days when their batch would often pack books and sandwiches and climb up the fort in morning and come down only after sunset. The days when he had looked at her from distance. He had made serious efforts once or twice to ask her out on a date but nothing had worked out. He pondered over how easily, the date that he had sometimes dreamed of had happened today.

She was driving as fast as the small scooty would allow her. He was amazed that the scooty was already climbing up inspite of their combined weight. They reached the plateau in a short while. She jumped off the scooty and threw the keys and helmet at him asking him to park the scooty while she sprinted to the sunset point. By the time he parked the small two-wheeler and joined her, she was gazing out at the setting sun. The view was breath taking. Both of them stood gazing at the setting sun. The sky changed its colour gradually from clear blue to orange to pink to mauve. The water below reflected the colours of the sky. The creator of the universe had squeezed out numerous tubes of paint simultaneously and was freely mixing colours. The painting that unfolded in front of them was unique. Just like the moment that they were sharing. She reached out and held his hand as the venus - first star on the horizon- twinkled in the twilight. He felt a tremor in her grip and the moistness of her palm. He had barely registered the tremor before she let go and jumped down from the boundary wall. He wanted to ask her what it was. He had an urge tohold her hands too and wanted to re-assure her. But she was gone. The moment was lost. Just like the one so many years back. He had asked her out on a date for dinner and dance. She had been on the verge of agreeing and something happened in distance. Her brother had called out to her. She had been looking at him fondly one moment and the next was replaced by fear and regret. The effort was wasted and so also the tickets to the event.

This time, he did not want to loose the moment. He reached for her hand and pulled her back. She saw the question in his eyes. Uncertain of her reactions she pushed him back making to get back to the scooty. He was silent most of the way back and she was chattering all through. She knew she was nervous. She knew that if she had encouraged him many years ago, the relationship may have blossomed into being more than classmates. She had been scared of her parents not agreeing to a match. Socially unacceptable and impossible! Would it have been different if she had chosen to defy society and parents? She had no courage then! So she had decided that it was best not to acknowledge. The ghosts of the past were still present. Though her parents were beyond the realms of dictating, she saw another shadow lurking in background. A shadow of their choice for her!

As she came to a halt in the drive of her home she felt wistful that the day would now end. But he was determined to pursue his moment and invited her out for dinner. She was surprised and thrilled at the same. They agreed to meet at half past 8 and he said he would pick her up. He asked her to wear something formal and be ready for a dance or two. She was reminded of the date that had never materialized so many years back.

She hated this business of having to make a selection of clothes and especially formal. In the end she settled on a pleated white skirt of full length and paired it with a beautiful top in burnt orange. Simple silver choker and ear studs completed her accessories. She was just finishing her subtle make-up when he came to fetch her. She hurried into the living room and

saw him waiting for her. He was wearing a pair of jeans and shirt paired with a jacket, looking COOL! She was about to slip on her usual flat shoes and remembered that they were to go dancing. She discarded the comfortable flats for trendy heels and turned to go. Neither realized what a handsome couple they made.

He drove to the heart of the city and turned towards the hill top. He said that he wanted to try the new lounge cum restaurant that had opened at the hill-top. Apparently the place had a splendid lounge and dance floor. The place lived up to its reputation. The location was awesome and overlooked the river. The dining area was on an open terrace offering the view of the cruising party boats in the river. They were shown to a table by the hostess and thus began an evening to remember! The music was exceptionally good and the band played a mix of numbers that kept them on the floor most of the time. When they came back to the table finally, the kitchen was taking last orders. They ordered simple meal and lingered over the dessert and coffee.

“This place is so peaceful. I am enjoying myself so much. Thank you!” She said

“I am stuffed and feel so heavy. Guess I will need to take a stroll before going to bed.”

“Come on! If you are done, we can take the stroll now. The premises of this place are supposed to be beautiful. We can explore the old structure.”

He saw her face light up at the mention of an adventure and yet there was a hesitation. It took him seconds to get up and pull her chair back. She seemed incapable of refusing, in spite of all the warnings that she heard in her head. She was unsure yet looking forward to the stroll. If she were to be honest with herself she looked forward to not just the exploration of the premises!

The property owners seemed to have developed the pathways and roads very well. At the far end they saw the entrance and the flight of steps leading to the entrance. As they stood at the foot they realized that it was a steep climb.

“Race you to the top!” He challenged her. On the count of three they ran up the steps each determined to win the race. He had almost reached the top when he realized that he was

running alone. She was limping up the steps. Worried he climbed down to check on her. No sooner did he reach the step where she sat, then he saw the wicked smile and she raced to the top, heels in hand and laughing at him. He felt stupid at being tricked and followed her, rage written loud and clear on his face. She was still laughing when he reached her and pulled her to face him. Her laughter froze as she sensed his anger. Instantly scared, she thought that she had crossed the line. Men, she knew hated losing, especially to a woman! This was going to be a repeat of all her past experiences. She braced herself to face whatever was to come.

He saw the quick succession of emotions reflected on her face. The laughter replaced by fear, then worry and then resignation. He was shocked out of his anger and wondered where did the fear come from? His grip on her arm slackened and expressions on his face changed.

He was no longer angry. She saw the confusion on his face and sat down with a resolve to share her past and present with him. He leaned forward with a resolve to drive away the fear. They looked at each other with a question on their lips.

They sensed an answer a mere whisper away!