Saturday, 5 October 2013

निशब्द सांसे


I had written a poem in Marathi a while back titled Abol Shwaas. Many of my friends who heard me recite that poem or read it on FB and the blog, suggested that I should translate. Some of them heard me recite it but could not follow what it meant as they didn't know Marathi. So, encouraged by the appreciation, I make an attempt to translate.

कुछ निशब्द सांसे
अटक सी गई थी
मंन के एक कोने में
जैसें अवरुद्ध हुई थी

अजनबी रास्तो पर
शायद धुंड रही थी कुछ
कदमो कें पेह्चाने निशां
संभव है मांग रही थी

ख्वाबो के पंख लिये
उडा करती थी ये सांसें
अल्हड से पतंग की तरह
बादलों के पार जाती थी ये सांसें

ये हसीन सांसें गुम हुई इक रोझ
निशब्द सी हो गयी
घुल गयी दुनियादारी के रंग में
और बस फिकी सी पड गयी

आज बस हिम्मत कर ली जाए
इंन सासो को हवा दी जाए
खामोश सासो की आवाज बनू मै
कोरे कागझ में रंग भरु मैं

अपने मन की दीवार
आज मैं गिरा दू
इन सासो का बचपन
आज मै लौटा दू

मुक्त कर दू इनको
और पोह्चा दू इन्हे
ज्यादा दूर नही ...
बस, क्षितीज के पार कर दू ! 

Friday, 27 September 2013

When was it?

O, tenderness!
When did u steal my heart
When was it that İ surrendered
Was it before we met or after

O, happiness!
When did u put a glow on my face
When was it that a smile captured my lips
Was it before we met or after

O, sweet confusion!
When did I embrace thee
When I felt my heart dancing with glee
Was it before we met or after

O, my Goodness!
When did I learn to speak with my eyes
When was it that I said all without saying
Was it before we met or after

I feel love and more
In every single pore
When was it that the magic happened
Was it before we met or after



Thursday, 26 September 2013

Kashmakash


kashmakash toh hoti hai 
kahen ya na kahen
kahen toh kya kahen
naa kahen to kyun naa kahen


feelings kee mixed bag
kandhe pe sawar hai
saansen kabhi upar
toh kabhi neeche hai


halka halka nasha hai
dabi dabi see hansi mein
doston se chipane mein
haule haule muskurane mein


ek baar phir hua hai
pyar shayad
ek baar phir mili hoon
apne aap se shayad


kashmakash toh hoti hai
kahen ya na kahen
kahen toh kya kahen
naa kahen to kyun naa kahen




Wednesday, 13 March 2013

Ek Main aur Ek Woh!


एक मैं यहाँ 

अपनी चिंताओं से झल्लाया सा

एक वोह बेफिक्र वहां

गुनगुनाता, मुस्कुराता , बेगाना सा



एक मैं सयाना

गहरायी से घबराया सा

एक वोह दीवाना

ऊचयिओं से भरमाया सा



मैं पहले पड़ाव पर ही

सोचूँ मंजिल को पा लिया

एक वोह ! पिछले पड़ाव से ही

नए रास्ते बनाने चला



मैं रोज़मर्रा से जूझते हुए

ठहरा इस पह्चानिसी ज़मीन पर

वोह अनजान आसमान में उड़ चला

प्रेरित एक पंछी देखकर



एक मैं किनारे किनारे

निश्चल और मौन अपने आप से भी

एक वोह तूफ़ान पे सवार

बतियाता अपनी परछाई से भी



एक मैं !

फूलों में भी काटों से बचाता हुआ

एक वोह !

अंगारे भी हार में पिरोता रहा



एक मैं !

संभव के दामन से लिपटा हुआ

एक वोह !

असंभव की हर सीमा लांघता रहा 

Monday, 25 April 2011

Whether this or that

At times things threaten to choke me

At times things are there to provoke me

Whether this or that things stay!


Things are sometimes a raging storm

Leaving behind in its wake

Broken hearts and minds


At times things take more than that

Destructive in its impotence

Throwing up broken souls


Sometimes things can be strange

Almost unbelievable

Neither possible nor impossible


Things are possibly an illusion

Things are a matter of perception

A Reflection of anything and everything


Things will change beyond the horizon

Ah! you fool! you can but hope

Things have a pace of their own


At times things threaten to choke me

At times things are there to provoke me

Whether this or that things stay

Monday, 14 February 2011

Ek mulakat

Sadak ke kinare kal raat

Chalte chalte Main thahar gaya tha

Jaham mein kuch jajbat uthe the

Kavita ke bulbule ubhar rahe the


Jab main apni kavita likh raha tha

Woh mere aas paas mandra raha tha

Jab tak khel raha tha woh apne aap se

Main bhi chup tha, magan apne aap mein


Achanak use khelne ka mood aaya

Haule se mere haath pe woh lehraya

Khushi khushi usne ek dankh maara

Khud ki jeet ka mano jhanda pheraya


Aankhen thodi num hui! Uff yeh kya dard hua!

Maine socha meri kavita mein yeh asar tha

Kaash! yeh mera sapna sach hota

Hothon pe aah, maathe pe pasina na hota


Aakhon mein paani samet ke dekha

Ek macchar baitha mere haath pe tha

Mera khoon chuskar... *@$@!

Kha pikar masti mein leta tha


Itna sust ki woh ud bhi na paya

Jab maine ungli tale use dabaya

kitnon ke khoon kee nadi behne lagi

kuch boondein mere khoon kee bhi beh chali


uske nasht hote hi mera raavan so gaya

Tab maine socha iski jagah kaun lega

Kaun mere daye gaal ko sehlayega

Kaun mere baye pair ka jhoola jhoolega


Intejaar kuch naa karna tha mujhe

Palak jhapakne bhar ka faasla tha

Sahi samjha aapne doston.....

Ek naya macchar mere kaan mein

......... Gungunane laga tha!

Sunday, 13 February 2011

A different kinda Dance

Questions .... questions.....

they lead a merry dance....

sometimes a tango and sometimes a waltz


hand in hand they move.....

happy and gay....

pushing and teasing!


listen to the music and the form will change...

try a new form and the music will change...

simple .... and oh so neat!


questions and answers ...

they lie within....

at times in the mind ...

other times in the heart....


questions.... more questions .......

pushing one over the edge...

and happy souls are seen sitting over the ledge...


questions and answers....

they lead a merry dance...

sometimes a tango and sometimes a waltz!

Saturday, 12 February 2011

15 going on 16

15 going on 16….

Life is indeed a circle. In fact I think it’s more like wheels within wheels within wheels. One large circle i.e. the entire life, then comes the circle of education, and then comes the circle of work and so on and so forth. We add so many small and large circles to it. Call it circle or a cycle it’s just that – a non-linear space! I see it as circles because; I feel it’s never really a watertight compartment. Therefore, I see it as a non-linear space. Each of these circles has a life span and pace that is independent of each other, yet dependant on each other. If we consider a) child, b) adolescent, c) adult and d) death as four main stages of life, each of these circles are simultaneously exhibiting various stages. For eg. Theoretically I am and I am seen as (by others) an adult. Yet I feel like an adolescent in my professional life. This concept stared me in face as I was reflecting on what is happening in my professional life at the moment. I am simultaneously an adult and an adolescent and may just enter the toddler stage once again. It’s exciting! This awareness gave me a kind of a kick, you see!

I find myself in an adolescent stage of my career. Almost like what I was when I was 15. At 15, I was full of ideas. I wanted to do everything at the same time. I was willing to do hundred things at a time. It was a time when my parents, family members, friends and almost everybody wanted to know, what I wanted to do with my life. Everybody had a suggestion and an advice. I had so many options and everything looked so attractive. The options ranged from being a lecturer to getting into National School of Drama. It was exciting at the same time confusing. Somewhere down the line I decided to do what my father recommended. I don’t think it was a choice of my heart. It was however the most logical choice and the most dependable option, as it came from my father for whom I had stars in my eyes. So the decision was made and I put my heart into it. I still remember that journalism was my first option. Yet Dad’s option was a more practical one. It was the sunrise industry and I deiced to do Hotel Management. It was a good decision, too! Working in hospitality sector with one of the best employers in that industry, groomed me as a professional – physically and mentally, both. I got international exposure, as well. Neither dad nor I had foreseen the way media has exploded in last 15 years. Had we visualized that, I may have been doing just that today. The reason I wanted to journalism was because it was a logical field of work for my natural talent to write. But the thought then was, it is not going to bring in big bucks and world exposure. In hindsight, seems like such a foolish thought. However, my love for writing did not diminish and I picked up the threads when I started blogging. I was back to my first option, in a way!

The love affair with hospitality business continued for 15 years in various organizations in various roles. It took turns with every new organization that I joined and has seemingly reached a plateau at the moment. I am once again in search of a career that will satisfy my need to make a difference. I am looking for a space that will give me opportunities to write. I am longing for company of people where my cognitive needs are met with. Let’s face it that most of our waking hours is spent at work. Given that, I need intelligent company around me. I am thirsting for personal growth. I was looking forward to personal growth as a 15-year-old girl and am once again looking for personal growth as a 15-year-old professional. I am an adolescent all over again. No difference in my state of being! But there is a big difference in the circumstances. Now, there is not much advice, not many suggestions. Parental support is different. It has changed from “helping our girl decide” to “standing by what my girl decides”. The same people who wanted to know what I wanted to do in life now question me as to “why I am doing this to my life, i.e. playing with fire, risking all that is stable and comfortable etc. etc.?” It’s going to be a seemingly adult decision. Yet I know that it will have all the maturity of an adolescent. Risky business this is and scary too!

It’s risky because it’s not about just changing the organization to get a higher designation and pay packet. I am contemplating changing the field of work, it self. Scary cause I may not succeed and may then have to start all over again, face the music and hear the “I knew this will happen” from people! Success is important to me and I have so far succeeded in whatever I have done. So given the odds, the likelihood is that I shall succeed in the new field as well. Frankly, the decision to make a change is done. It’s only a matter of weighing the highest probability of success between the two options. Having said that, the minute I enter the new field of work, I see myself at a toddler stage. Taking tentative and baby steps as I pick up domain knowledge and club it with my expertise gained from past assignments.

That is why I feel that life is a circle! I find myself coming back to the same stages of life again and again. It enriches my personality. Indeed I grow after each experience.

I am struck by my own capacity to behold many roles all at once. I am grateful for the ability to go through various stages simultaneously with a clear head. Had I not had a clear head, life would have been one hell of a mixer-grinder, I suppose! I am happy that I remain the person that I am while dealing with all these stages of life. While I am dealing with this personal need to grow and change, I am faced with situations at home, within the family and within the work group. I am dealing with these situations holding the roles as a wife, a family member, a daughter, a friend and a Boss. That does not change. No one really makes allowances for me just because I am going through the famous “mid-life crisis”. I don’t make allowances for myself, so why should others? I may choose to see this as professional adolescence, yet fact remains that I am not an adolescent in worldly sense. In the larger scheme of things I am an adult!

I see myself as an eternal learner. Reminds me of David Kolb’s learning cycle.

Every concrete experience leads to a new reflection leading to a new concept, which further takes me to a new situation and back to a new experience. J It’s great to be a child, an adolescent and an adult all at the same time in different spaces.

I think, that this is true of every relationship also. Each relationship is born, goes through the growing up pains (which we so nicely call maturing), then stabilizes and hits a plateau and finally dies when the life of that relationship is over. On the face of it, it looks so simple. Yet it’s the variables involved that make it unique. Life is a complex circle! A beautiful one!

Wednesday, 8 September 2010

Rishta

Ek rishta purana

Budhe bargad ki chudail ka

Naani ki kahaniyon ka

Naanaji ke dulaar ka


Ek rishta kitabon se mera

Atoot , Nishabd, Nirantar

Meri saason se jooda hai

Aur dil khol ke lootata hai


Ek mere bachpan ka rishta

Tab bhi jhijhajkta tha aur aaj bhi

Lagatar mujhe milta raha

Do kadam saath chalta raha



Ek rishta bhaybhit saa

Hichkichata aur murjhaya sa

Kabhi dhayrya se aage naa badha

Magar kabhi toot bhi na paya


Ek hai rishton se rishta

Ghanghor baarish mein dhoop sa

Sanvedana ka Intzaar ka

Jinda hone ke ehsaas ka


Ek rishta benaam sa

Meri ruh mein samaya

Mano toh dhadkan ki tarah

Shayad Ishwar ki den tha


Ek rishta kahi kho gaya

Dosti ka, vishwaas ka

Achanak haathon se choot gaya

Aasoon banke palkon mein bus gaya

Tuesday, 13 July 2010

On a rainy day!

A cry so raw so filled with pain
Alive in my ears even now
Surfaced again and again
As she struggled to cope

The nest! Washed and gone
She searched afar eyes filled with hope
Fluttering her damp feathers
Jumping from bough to bough

Time will heal I thought so!
Yet the cry in my ear
Refuses to go

I wander afar in hope to elude
When it dawns
I may turn or fold my hands
Yet how will I drown the piercing cry?

Such a small being
Such a dainty thing
So much grief
So little to hold

She looked up at the sky
And seemed to ask
Where have you taken my babies?
And why?

Sunday, 11 April 2010

The frantic pace and the starved soul!

Its a new space for me to be in! A space where I feel so disconnected from the net these days...
I am wondering if i have reached a saturation point with all the information pouring in...
I am possibly driving myself nuts by too much work on the laptop...
I am tired and need a break on the seas or in highlands somewhere away from the humdrum....

The lure of the cities unknown...
I long to set sail for the lands unseen...
My mind wanders on the roads winding high...
I paint a picture of the valley beyond....

The meandering path beckons me
The trees are lush and tall rushing to meet the sky
I come to the edge only to be spell bound
Awed by the vast expanses

To take the bridge across
Or to descend to the valley below
To embrace the risk on the other side
Or to unfurl the mysteries of the deep
I am undecided, as yet!





Thursday, 17 December 2009

In the moment

The listless wandering mind
The call of the wide seas
The pull of the land
Neither makes sense to me

The ambiguity and indecision
Hand in hand on the wet sand
The restlessness and inactivity
Neither makes sense to me

The desire to take the plunge
Held back by a frustrating need to float
Swaying on the string of insecure security
Neither makes sense to me

A huge tree fallen to ground
Revealing decaying roots
Seemingly arrogant yet so weak

Just when it seemed to be dying
One leaf sprouted defying
Fragile and oozing strength of life

Both make perfect sense to me
Like the circle
Neither a beginning nor an end

I feel free to embrace the confusion
I feel free to chase the closure

Neither bothers me in the moment
I am free!

But have I freed myself?
In the moment

Monday, 12 October 2009

A flower is born


The sky was overcast

The stones dark and dry

Awaiting the downpour


I walked past the crevice

As usual and stopped

There in the recesses

I saw a tiny bud


It was strange

Stone giving birth

It was a moment to behold!


I was drawn to the crevice

Every day! I watched

The bud was inching forward

Growing, acquiring new colours


The progress was slow

The struggle was on

I was anxious

I was scared


Today the bud is out of the crevice

Today the petals are unfolding

Today the core will reveal

Its secrets!


The dew is soothing its pain

As the sun kisses the tip

The breeze infusing new energy

And the bud is transformed


A flower is born

Still green from the pains of birthing

Shy and not fully open

Peeking at me eager and mischievous


I rejoice the new-born

I gaze fondly and I reach out, almost

I realize… the bud needs no help

To blossom!

Sunday, 6 September 2009

The Sting Operation

The recent times have been the best for the likes of me. Our clan has flourished over the last few years especially in the suburbs of mega cities like Mumbai and other metros. You see most of our folks feel that the larger the city the better. Till the recent past, say as early as about thirty years back, we used to stay in large colonies in jungles and swamps. As the jungles started thinning out we moved to the edges. The swamps were not spared either. Most of them were re-filled and put to use under the new fangled schemes of the reclaimed lands. It was not only our population that had grown! In fact I had heard the parents and older guys talking about the competition that we, the mosquitoes faced from the human beings.

I was born in one such swamp on the outskirts of a wasteland. The entire clan was waiting fervently for my birth. You see it had been a long while since a female was born into the clan. I suppose, I need not elaborate the superior status that the females of my clan enjoy. We are gifted with the capacity to sting causing illness and destruction to human race. All hopes were pinned on the eggs laid on the surface of superbly slimy, greenish-grey water puddles. The members of the clan had been to various places and pledged offerings of various types of blood, shit, garbage and whatever they could think of, to all the deities of the world. The head of the clan had even risked visiting the lord at the dumping ground, behind the huge building from which the humans managed their cleaning operations. It was big deal you see, to be able to get into the dumping ground. One would assume that a dumping ground would be easy access for our people. But mind you it was easier to get into the building itself than the dumping ground! I am told that the security here was higher as more than just garbage was dumped there by the men of foul means. Anyway coming back to the point, every single mosquito was silently or openly hoping that I would be born a girl. And lo! Girl I was.

“Isn’t she a beauty? Such beautiful mouth brushes and what a thorax!”

“Wow, mark my words she is going to make history with those superb antennae.”

Such and more comments were made by the humming and whining females gathered to see me break out from the egg. What a stroke of luck for the rest of the clan! I was the darling of the group. Now they could hope to renew the war against humans. I was the original Anopheles reborn to avenge the pride of the family of Culicidae.

The clan raised me with much care and love. The oldest member of the clan, Mr.Toxhorynchitinae, was assigned to oversee my training. He had an impressive body of work with an impressive name to go with it. But to us he was simply Guru TC. I was given the best of training about every possible skill required to make a success of the war that we were fighting. It started with flying classes. Everything depended on how I would make an entry, how precisely I could land and most importantly how efficiently I could take off for the next flight. This I realized was the first key to long survival beyond the customary 2 weeks. As far as infecting the men is concerned, I had learnt how to sting from my mother’s womb, so that was not something to worry over.

My Guru chose to put me under tutelage of the most experienced flier. His name was Crane Flier. He had been in and out of thousands of houses and had landed on the most number of hands, faces, legs and such surfaces available at large. I was put through several hours of grueling flying classes. Initially I used to feel tired and often landed haphazardly on the stagnant water and dried feces. Gradually though I built up strength and could fly without stopping for as much as 10 seconds. Then I was cleared to get on to the next level. Crane Flier told me that if I had to make a success of my flight and landing, I need to be very careful of what surface I choose to land on. Landing on the left side of any person seemed to be most dangerous. A lot of my friends had met a bloody end while sitting on the left hand of the human beings. It was so easy for those humans to tap us off with the right hand.

By now I had started attending more than one class. While I enjoyed flying, I needed to know more. Guru TC had told me that my purpose in life was to be of use for the greater good of mosquitoes of the world. I was destined to be the savior and inspiration for all. My aim and goal in life was to bite as many human beings as possible and once I had come of age, I was expected to spread the malaria far and wide. That was the best weapon that our clan had against the rising numbers of species called man. While I knew about our weapons, I needed to know about theirs too. I was no ordinary mosquito. I had learnt to take off after landing in less than half a second. Not a small achievement! I had inherited my brains from my father’s side and courage from my mother’s side.

So I set out gathering knowledge on their weapons. I pestered the oldest mosquito in our wasteland. Everyone called her the Fortune Fly. She had great experience of various lands and had survived over 14 days when I approached her. Such a long life was totally unheard of in our society. She was weak these days and had broken her left wing and right eye in the last attack that she led against the filthy humans. So she set about down-whining all the knowledge that she had gathered over the years to me. Right hand seemed to be the most powerful weapon that all humans possess. Other than this they use all kinds of gooey stuff that can lead to fainting. They must be really thick skinned to be able to stay afloat after using all those pastes known as repellents. There are some other huge white luminous things that make horrible noise. I have extra sensitive antenna and can pick up the thin sharp noise miles before that giant looms up in front of us. Then there are the huge things hung on windows that they call mosquito net. These are not so difficult to negotiate, I soon learnt while out on a date with my would-be suitor. Some other things that we come up against in our part of the world are newspaper rolls; blindingly white yards and yards of stuff around the sleeping areas of the humans and some horrible smoky things coiled in corners.

Armed with all the information above, I debuted into the war in a high rise building on the edge of the swamp. The first day was a success. I got the sweet salty taste of blood the hard earned way. Later in the evening the leader of our swarm told us that 6 out of 102 folks that I had visited in the early evening were now looking dull and had already pulled out their woolen clothes and may be visiting a doctor. We celebrated by sharing the blood that I had carefully carried in my antennae.

Life was a roller coaster ride as the minutes and hours progressed. I was a veteran at biting and stinging by the end of 72 hours. My strike rate had gone up and I could infect as many as a hundred and more folks in a day. I had just returned with my swarm of boys that day. The night had been exceptionally busy. We had taken up a crusade in the new complex where the residents had piled onto the grounds for a night of revelry. Some of us had perished, some injured and some defeated. But all in all the night was a success. We were relaxing by the dark wet patch when I was challenged. I was feeling on top of the swamp as I had infected a record number of humans that night. I was here there everywhere!

“Andromela, don’t think that I don’t appreciate your success, but I still think you are far from being the best amongst the best.” Spoke the Young Turk, Antopodes.

I felt stung first time in my life. Yet keeping my cool outwardly. No point in getting anxious when I knew that he was simply jealous. The creator had robbed him of his sting since childhood. Yet my curiosity got better of me and I asked, “What makes you say that?”

“You can only be called the best if you enter a place that I tell you and infect the humans in that house and return back to us.”

Not the one to be put down, I accepted the challenge blindly. Evening 8pm was fixed as the time when I would be introduced to my challenge. I decided to catch a wink before the task was due. The swarm set out well in time to reach the destination. Antopodes was leading. He took us far out over to the other side of the swamp. Not our regular route. I wondered when this fellow had been to explore the unseen parts of the swamp. Anyway the air here was cooler and thinner. It was easier to fly and we soon came upon a set of newly built houses. As we buzzed through I saw that the houses had large open windows covered with the infernal nets and good light and air. The drain was well covered and the pipes were invisible. Thriving and surviving in these conditions would be so difficult. But I could not call it off without hurting my ego and pride. So I hummed my way to the house that Antopodes had marked as a challenge.

And what a challenge it was. The Windows seemed to be sealed with no opening. The entry was tricky as I saw that it was a three door circus. There was an iron front door concealing a solid wood door which in turn was hiding a door with a fine quality net. And the three were never opened together. The net door was firmly closed before the wooden and the front door opened. The drain pipes were covered with fine net also. I was stumped for the first time to make an entry into the mosquito proof fortress. I was more determined than ever to prove my expertise and establish my supremacy by breaking and entering this particular place. So I decided to stake out at the place and look for the best possible opening.

After waiting for endless minutes and hours, I figured out that the best way to get in would be to find a carrier. I decided to wait at the entry door. Soon it became apparent that not much activity happened here. And no material was taken inside the house without checking for flies and mosquitoes. No vendor was allowed inside the main wooden door. All the vegetables and newspapers were checked using a strange weapon that I had not yet encountered. It was oval shaped and had a net on it with a handle. I heard the maid calling it a racquet. I wondered if there was any similarity to crickets of our world. The maid moved it over the stuff that entered the house and also the people who came in. I saw the flies dropping limp and almost dead when this weapon was moved over all things.

I went back to the swarm of friends who were waiting a safe distance away to discuss what I had seen. All of us agreed that the challenge was beyond any difficulties that any one of us had ever faced. I was told not to risk it in my condition. You see I was ready to lay more eggs! But my ego was pricked and I could not back out from the sting operation. It was a matter of pride. So after much discussion, I realized that the only way to get in was to launch myself on the maid who seemed to be the only one coming in and out. She was the only one not being checked by the racket. We finalized the entry exit route through the maid and I set off for the battle.

I waited for the maid to appear again and quickly launched myself on her hair when she opened the door. I was finally inside the fortress. To be honest, I was scared as I was carried inside on her person. What if somebody came with that racket? But nothing happened. I managed to escape into the dark corner of the house. I waited till my humming came back to normal and decided to find my victim. There was no point in taking back the blood from the maid. That was easy enough and no good to establish my supremacy. I need to take blood from the head of the house. From my hiding post I realized that there was a huge woman moving from one room to the other, who seemed to be giving orders. Everyone around her seemed to be obeying her. So I decided to target her.

I waited for the correct opportunity and soon saw the woman heading towards my hiding place. I was scared for a minute and wondered whether she had sensed my presence and decided to kill me. The entire swamp was before my eyes -- my mother, my loyal swarm of friends and my guru! I had not even said good bye. I shut my eyes and gathered my antennae close to me waiting for the end to descend upon me. But a few trembling seconds elapsed and nothing happened. I was convinced that the lord of the swamp was protecting me.

It was a now or never situation. I had to sting now. I gathered all my courage, spread out my antenna as long as I could and landed on the ample surface on which the woman was sitting. She cried as I stung and drew the blood. Oh! The sweet taste of blood that has never been sampled by our kind of folks. I was euphoric and heady with success. In my sense of glory I forgot to fly away immediately and barely missed the hand that would have crushed me. As I took off to me safe hiding place the hand caught my left antenna at the back. It pained a lot. But I needed to lie low and not make a whisper of a humming so that I would be safe. Within seconds the house was full of smoke. Those guys had started lighting the coils in each corner and had started spraying some liquid in dark corners. The combined smell took its toll and I fainted.

I opened my eyes slowly and looked around. Was I dead? There was no sound around me. Where was I? The place looked familiar. I was in the same hiding place. That means I must be alive. Now all I needed to do was get out of this place. I inched out of the place slowly looking for the maid. I decided to switch the place of hiding to rest in her thick, dirty smelly hair. Much better than the corner that had no dirt or grime. My broken antenna was slowing me down. I could not see the maid around. In fact there was no human presence. My escape route had vanished leaving me aghast. I had given up hope when I sensed the door opening and to my great relief the maid walked in. But she was armed with a racket. I slid back onto the smooth brown corner that I was in. The maid moved around the entire house and was about to point the racket to my resting place, when the woman shouted at her to stay away from the mandir. God bless my soul! Here was my one and only chance to escape. I gathered all the strength that was left in me and landed on her hair. She proceeded to scout the nooks and corners looking for me. Then she swept the whole place and finally collected all the dirt to be thrown out of the house. I did not have to wait long for her to open all doors. The second she opened the front door, I took off and flew all the way to meet my friends. I dared not look back. The mission was accomplished. I was successful in meeting the challenge thrown at me.

The Sting Operation was finally through!

Friday, 21 August 2009

Routines … love them or hate them…still follow them!

The Ganesh festival is round the corner. Across India and maybe even around the world this is one routine that all the Ganesh devotees love. My family celebrates the festival too! The preparations start much before the D-day at our place. Not so much in terms of making the goodies for the feast or the decorations for Ganesh murti. It’s more in terms of setting stage for the expected schedule of events that will unfold for the 2 days that the family meets. The time of puja, the lunchtime, the arguments over breakfast at Mani’s, the menu for Prasad lunch and everything else is absolutely predictable routine. The guest list is predictable, so are the entry and exit lines of the guests. The conversation topics of the close family are the same every year. The close circle enjoys taking pot shots at the distant relatives who drop in for Prasad. The relatives I am sure do the same, once they depart after feasting on the mouth-watering Prasad for lunch. Its absolute routine stuff. Nevertheless, it’s a routine that all of us enjoy! It starts with planning what will be the surprise announcements, which are privately circulated to all members of the family, who then suitably act surprised and happy for the announcements. It ends with all family members promising to plan a picnic so as to improve the bonding and declarations of keeping in touch!

Another interesting routine that we go through - en masse - starts unfolding in month of May. We start speculating the arrival of rains. Invariably the rains are late. Then we worry our heads over the delay and discuss the fall out of global warming. Finally when the rains arrive, we wish that it would stop raining so that life would be free of dirt, grime and rotting garbage. It does not end here. When the rains start receding we get into the famous panic of the lakes and water reservoirs not being full! The beautiful aspect of the rains is the almost routine rainy day picnic to a nearby hill-station, getting soaked to the last fibre and then huddling together for the steaming corn on the cob along with hot bhajiyas and a cup of cup. Wow!

Talking about picnics, I am reminded of the routine that my husband and I go through every 15 days of late. We talk about taking a vacation and the burning need to take time off from routine J Most of my friends also follow the routine of discussing and planning of a holiday for self and family. But none of us convert it into a reality! Most of us are at a stage in our careers where long absence is not possible OR may be dangerous ;). If all that is sorted, then we are faced with the challenge of coinciding the dates when all members can be away from their respective routines. So all in all, we have developed a routine of planning a holiday. Just to break the routine!

Some routines are traditional. For instance, every South Indian girl is enrolled in a dance and singing class as a matter of routine. It’s a given task, never questioned by anyone in the community. I have also seen them loving this routine. Or take the case of a routine enquiry thrown at all newlywed couples. Every couple faces the enquiry about when will they give the good news – read as expecting a baby - irrespective of caste, religion, geography and social status. The only change to this tradition, nowadays is the time when the enquiries start rolling in. In olden days the enquiry would start within 3 months of the marriage. Today the elders of the family are willing to hold their aspirations for as many as 5 years!

Some routines are customary. Like washing feet and covering your head before entering a place of worship, be it anywhere in India.

We are at times not even conscious of some of the routines that each one of us follows. One of them, I think is praying to the Almighty in times of difficulty and crisis. I know a lady who is a complete Atheist. She professes that she does not believe in the concept called God. So much so that when we were traveling to various locations in India, she refused to enter those places of interests i.e. monuments where people also pray and worship. I was surprised by this extreme display of atheist values. Yet, I saw her pray – which she denies – with her hands folded and clasped together, kneeling on the floor and eyes tightly shut, when her sister was supposedly caught in the recent terrorist attacks at a city hospital.

Some routines are fashionable. Like falling in love. Most of the population on this earth goes through motions of love in teens – used to be late teens in my time, but it is early teens these days. This routine is almost always accompanied by the high drama of parents not approving and the kidults (wonder who coined this word!) rebelling, followed by eventual fall out and settling down for more compatible acceptable prospects.

In my professional life, I have seen (and also been a party to!) folks invariably going through the routine of appreciating the previous employer as against the current one. I have observed that for most of us, the previous employer always seems to have the best practices and standard processes. It’s so convenient to forget that almost all of us are equally dissatisfied with the ex-employer while working there, isn’t it?

I use a routine to break the monotonous weekly routine. Confused? Don’t be. I am simply talking about my Saturday routine. I look forward to all Saturdays because it breaks the routine of the weekdays. It gives me respite from dancing to the tune of wall clock on weekdays. However, funnily enough, my Saturdays are also a routine. I get up late, laze in the bed, say bye to the husband, make myself a cup of tea, surf the net till I am hungry, fix a brunch, eat while watching TV and watch TV while dozing, almost reluctantly go into the bedroom and sleep soundly, until being rudely woken up by some caller… and so on and so forth. I simply love this routine Saturday. It’s my day!

I am sure all of us have personal routines that we enjoy. And I am not referring to the mundane routines of waking up, brushing teeth, crapping, having tea, taking shower, getting ready, going to work and so on till we sleep and wake up again. I am sure there are routines unique to every person. Be it a dance routine or an exercise regime or a visit to someone special or a shopping spree in weekend bazaars. It exists!

There is no escaping the routines. Its inevitable just like the seasonal routine of Nature around us. Its as true as the birth and death routine of life. We get bored of the routine and often feel like running away. We seek new things to do. We crave for adventure and challenge. We move to newer pastures. All to break from the routine! But there is no denying that inspite of all the breaks that we may take and new things that we may pursue, we still lapse into routines.

There is a comfort in it, isn’t it?

Wednesday, 19 August 2009

Perplexed




I feel perplexed, confounded, mystified, confused, at a loss, puzzled, baffled, bewildered or thrown! I feel different at different times or sometimes all this together. And then again I feel this and that too! In general the feeling is totally utterly all the things I said above. Why?

I mean what am I supposed to feel when I realize that random folks on the street are staring at my boobs? And they have various expressions on the face.

Expression one --- “?????”

Expression two – “!!”

Expression three – “@*&%$$^*@”

The above three are the most common discernable and oft repeated ones.

Other than this I feel utterly perplexed that SRK can get the media to dance and gets so much air time.. Whoa! He is on every FM station and every channel and every news paper shouting “Its no big deal”. Yeah! I believe that…

I am at a complete loss when people turn around and ask me, “what’s wrong with me?” Figure it out yourself man. How do I know what’s wrong with you when I don’t see anything right in the first place ... how do I know what’s your idea of right?

I am confused about why the local trains are smelling like Nilgiri(eucalyptus) oil these days and I am thrown by the number of people wearing masks while getting on the train, promptly removing it when asking for a seat and then putting it on while getting off the train.

It baffles me when my co-passenger asks me, “Are you Mulund?” Do I look like a suburban train station? It took me a while to figure out that the question is “Are you getting off at mulund?” which is invariably followed by a booking request for the seat that I occupy…And hold your breath, cause these days it’s also for a standing space on the foot board J

I am bewildered that a man hits a woman while they are walking down the pavement and neither breaks their stride… She says nothing and neither does he! Two minutes later they are sitting on the bench furtively smooching… beyond comprehension. Neither is more than late teens of age... Some passion, huh!

I am mystified that I have not yet learnt the art of talking without stopping to breath. Some folks do it , you see. And they talk for as much as 15 minutes non-stop. Try doing it for 5 minutes by the watch… I am certain most of you will be out of breath ....

I get thrown by folks who are blessed with an immune system as far sense of smell is concerned. These folks almost always decide to relax in an AC theater and start by taking off the shoes! Aaahhh … what a comfort it is ... the stench… Shudders. But that’s ok… for the blessed ones!

I am puzzled … cause I am now feeling great! Sharing does help…

So what if there are going to be more random folks staring with many expressions tomorrow ;) --- at least they get to see the most magnificent pair of twins around ..ha!ha!

Saturday, 15 August 2009

A whisper on my lips

She was getting ready to go out for a date. A chance date that had materialized out of the blue yesterday! She was home to spend some time in solitude, fix the leaking roof and sell the produce from small patch of land in the house that once belonged to her parents, now hers to tend to. She rarely sold the produce as she felt that the caretaker should benefit of it. The caretaker had been in the family for generations and traditionally the produce had been handed over to his family at a token amount of 1anna earlier, 1 rupee today. She often came home when the pressures and bustle of the city got to her. Being a freelancer had its advantages and usually she could take off at will to be in her childhood home. This time the attraction was the Festival of Performing Arts.

Yesterday’s event was special as her best friend was performing a ballet. She decided to reach the venue ahead of the actual show time in the hope of catching up with her before the show. As is always, backstage was extremely busy and she spoke with her friend for a total of five minutes with many interruptions. She decided to let her friend get on with preparations of the show, with a promise of dropping in at her place for lunch on Sunday. Now left with some time on hand, she decided to stroll through the exhibition stalls lining the premises of the huge auditorium. The shops were predictable – handicrafts of various states, textile merchants, local dresses and scarves, tourist mementoes and cards, a small book shop, a painter’s stall, some traditional craftsmen doing the lac bangles and mehendi and so on. It was still 45 mins to the main show. She decided to park herself on the bench by the riverside and read her book. At the far end of the premises, she saw a vendor selling coolers. She reached there and opted for a kokum soda. The tall glass with lots of ice looked yummy. Instantly refreshed, she walked on to the benches. There was an empty one under a huge banyan tree. That set her up for half an hour of reading.

“Well! Well! Is that really you?” said a voice from above her. She looked up from her book and saw him looking down at her, a distant recognition in his eyes and a question on his face.

As soon as she looked up, the curtain of hair parted to reveal the oval face he knew so well. The question in his eyes was replaced by a warm smile and he was joyous to see her. It was a pleasant surprise to find her there, sitting on the bench by the riverside. He wondered, whether she would recognize him?

She looked up at him and was instantly reminded of how handsome he used to be. Years had only added some grey to his hair. But nevertheless, she felt her heart skip a beat. She stood up in a single graceful movement and came up to his shoulder.

“What a pleasant surprise! What are you doing here?’ she asked

“Looking for you!” was the cheeky reply.

“Oh sure! And I believe you” she mocked.

Laughing the two of them sat down on the bench. They looked at each other once again, almost certain that neither of them was truly present in the frame!

“I am here to get some work done at my parents’ house and will be here for a couple of days more. My friend – Shalini, you know her- is performing a ballet in about 10 mins. I was early so decided to park myself in the shade and read. One can rarely do this in the city, you know! What the hell are you smiling about?” she spoke hastily and was perplexed to see him laughing.

“You still talk a dime a dozen and still explain everything that you do” he said. “I guess one never changes. I am still tongue tied as I used to be, looking at you and am wondering, if I can persuade you to bunk the ballet and spend the afternoon with me.”

“No chance that I will drop the ballet. Shalini will kill me and complain to her mom about me. I can suffer Shalini’s complaining but you know her mom. Do you really want me to suffer her chiding?”

“So let me join you and watch the ballet?”

She knew the tickets were sold out, yet she did not tell him, hoping to keep his company for a while longer as the two of them walked to the booking counter. Actually seeing him standing there was so unexpected. She admitted to herself that she was happy to see him.

At the counter, he turned to look at her and shrugged his shoulders, “I knew. But I was looking for an excuse to walk a few more steps with you.”

She did not know what to say. Both were suddenly uncomfortable and lapsed into a silence.

Finally, she heard the 3rd bell and said goodbye to him. As she climbed the steps, he called out and ran upto her. “Let’s meet here around 10 in the morning tomorrow. The café down the road makes superb breakfast.” She nodded and disappeared in the crowd.

He continued to look at her receding back and remembered the time when he had sa

id bye to her 7 years back. It was the end of 3 years of college. Most them had chosen their careers and were moving to different locations. He had been to the station to say goodbye to friends. She was taking the train too. Most of the college seemed to be there at the station. As he said bye to her along with many others, he suddenly realized that this was the last time he would be able watch her smile. The sudden sense of loss was still fresh in his mind. He had an empty feeling in his stomach that time and he realized now that the feeling had been with him through the last 7 years. He realized this, when he came upon her today, sitting on the bench that had been his favourite for the last 10 days. He felt the warmth spreading across his body filling that emptiness.

The ballet was colourful and expertly choreographed. But today, her mind failed to see the graceful movements of the dancers. She hardly noticed that her friend had mastered the art and was now using it as a tool to make a strong social statement. Her mind kept taking her back to the guy standing on steps, telling her; not asking her, to meet him tomorrow. Someone she had rarely spoken to during the college time. They had been together at few parties, exchanged notes, spoken in the corridors but never bonded beyond knowing each other. But her pulse had quickened when she saw him today! She was already looking forward to tomorrow.

The doorbell rang and she heard akka opening the door. Before long she came in to tell her that the crop was ready for her inspection. As she went out akka noticed the pile of clothes on the bed and stopped.

“What is the occasion? What are you piling up the bed for?”

“I am going out to meet a friend. Can’t you see I am getting ready to go out? Tell me what I should wear.”

“Depends on where you are going and who you are meeting?”

“I don’t know where I will be going. I am meeting an old friend from college.” She realized that it had not occurred to her to check where they would be going. Then she remembered that he had spoken about the café. Finally she settled for the jeans and T-shirt. The clock was telling her that she was going to be behind schedule. She rushed out and zoomed out ignoring akka who came running after her to finish the chores and then go out.

She parked here scooty and picked her bag. As she turned, she saw him coming towards her.

“Hi!” he said opening his arms to give her a hug. The gesture was spontaneous and casual. It felt as if this was normal for buddies meeting after a long while. Yet, he felt that she was a bit awkward in his embrace and quickly moved away. He realized that, however natural the action may have been they had never been more than classmates. It’s possible that she may be married and would not be comfortable being hugged by another man. Or may be it is just the awkwardness of meeting someone after long time. Or may be she did not like the way he had summoned her here without checking, if she would indeed like to meet.

“Let’s walk across to the riverside and sit there. There is so much that I would like to catch up on. Where have you been since college? What do you do these days? Where do you live?” he said releasing her and turned on the narrow path to go to the riverside.

They walked in silence, each lost in own thoughts. As they sat on the bench, neither wanted to begin filling the gaps. Both of them were reluctant to be the first one to break the silence. It must have been a while since they were gazing at the water gushing by. They saw a small fisherman’s boat pass by and heard the boys on the boat making cat calls.

“Nothing changes here!” both exclaimed together breaking the awkward silence.

“Sure. And let me remind you mister that we were supposed to meet for breakfast. My stomach is growling. Where is this café? “

He was embarrassed that he had forgotten all about the breakfast and hurried to the café.

“You must be hungry. I am so sorry. It slipped my mind!” and almost as an afterthought he added “but then do you really need to eat. I mean a few meals skipped now and then will do you good you know!”

The waiter approached them before she could answer. If looks could kill he would have been dead. The choice was limited and they settled for eggs, sausages, bread, fruit and coffee.

“So tell me what have you been upto after college?” he enquired.

“I have been busy.” she replied “It takes lot of time, dedication and hard work putting on weight, you see!”

Amidst the laughter, the conversation was easy. They talked of what they were doing professionally and shared success stories from their careers. She was freelancing with newspapers and mostly covered the world of art & artists. He had worked in UK for 6 years with a consulting firm and was back in India on an assignment for the last year or so. Before long the breakfast was on their table. It was simple and tasty. The creamy scrambled eggs and crisp toast were done just right. They chatted about friends from college and who was doing what. He had stayed connected with the college crowd after he took up the posting in UK. Surprisingly, she had never been on any of the networks.

“How is it that you were never there on any of the networking sites? All of us always talk about you and have been searching you on the net. The old bunch of guys will be thrilled to know that I have met you. You must connect up with everyone.”

“I am not so keen on networking sites. Besides my work takes me into interiors, where net access is negligible. All available connectivity is used to upload my work to newspapers. Anyway, let me hear about you. How long do you plan to be here?” She said hurriedly.

He got the impression that she was brushing aside the subject and almost felt as if the disappearance was willful. He did not press the subject and signaled the waiter for the bill.

They returned to the art academy chatting about here and there but nothing in particular. Once at the academy they turned on the narrow path leading to the riverside and walked together up and down the river, enjoying the carefree chat and more importantly each other’s company. She was animatedly telling him about her investigations and report on one of the fast disappearing tribe of artists, how she had done a feature and promoted the cause of basic education for the tribal children , when his cell phone rang. She looked at the watch and realized that it was almost 2pm. She had promised akka that she will be back in a couple of hours and would take up the pending tasks. He finished his call and looked at her apologetically saying that he must attend to some work urgently. It should have been done a while back, but he had lost the sense of time. She was reluctant to part and he seemed hesitant too.

“What is it that you need to do? If it is mails you can do it from my place. I, too, need to finish some work with my caretaker. It will take me a couple of hours to get it done. You work from my place while I finish my chores.” She suggested.

“Brilliant! I have my laptop with me. I can get on to the net at your place and finish my work in a couple of hours. After that I am at your service the whole day. Let’s go.”

She drove back on her scooty all the time wondering whether she was mad to invite him home just like that. He was following her in the hired car and she could see him already working on his laptop. Once they reached home, she showed him into the living room and he was lost in his work. He hardly noticed when she left the room to attend to her duties.

He was composing the final draft when she walked in with two cups of tea. They sipped the tea in silence till he finished his work. It was 4.30 when he finally shut down his laptop. It was humid inside. She was perched on the railing of the verandah with her cup of tea thinking about what to do next. He was watching her from the window and saw her face light up. He knew she had hit upon some scatterbrain idea. She was famous in college days for spur of the moment plans. Inspite of himself he smiled, as he knew that no matter how scatterbrain the idea may be, he was going to give in.

“Let’s see if the motorbike is ok. If it is good we can drive up to the fort.”

She was already fetching the keys and running to start the bike. He followed her and watched as she made efforts to start the bike. Ten minutes later she lost her patience and declared that they should take the scooty and go. He grimaced at the thought of sitting on a small scooty and tried persuading her to take the car.

“But you know that the car cannot go up all the way! We don’t have time to climb up to catch the sunset. Don’t argue for heaven’s sake. Come on. I am ready. Are you coming?” She was already wearing her helmet and waiting for him to climb pillion. He knew that it would be a wasted effort to tell her to ride pillion. Besides, he had not been to the fort ever since he was in town. His thoughts were back into college days when their batch would often pack books and sandwiches and climb up the fort in morning and come down only after sunset. The days when he had looked at her from distance. He had made serious efforts once or twice to ask her out on a date but nothing had worked out. He pondered over how easily, the date that he had sometimes dreamed of had happened today.

She was driving as fast as the small scooty would allow her. He was amazed that the scooty was already climbing up inspite of their combined weight. They reached the plateau in a short while. She jumped off the scooty and threw the keys and helmet at him asking him to park the scooty while she sprinted to the sunset point. By the time he parked the small two-wheeler and joined her, she was gazing out at the setting sun. The view was breath taking. Both of them stood gazing at the setting sun. The sky changed its colour gradually from clear blue to orange to pink to mauve. The water below reflected the colours of the sky. The creator of the universe had squeezed out numerous tubes of paint simultaneously and was freely mixing colours. The painting that unfolded in front of them was unique. Just like the moment that they were sharing. She reached out and held his hand as the venus - first star on the horizon- twinkled in the twilight. He felt a tremor in her grip and the moistness of her palm. He had barely registered the tremor before she let go and jumped down from the boundary wall. He wanted to ask her what it was. He had an urge tohold her hands too and wanted to re-assure her. But she was gone. The moment was lost. Just like the one so many years back. He had asked her out on a date for dinner and dance. She had been on the verge of agreeing and something happened in distance. Her brother had called out to her. She had been looking at him fondly one moment and the next was replaced by fear and regret. The effort was wasted and so also the tickets to the event.

This time, he did not want to loose the moment. He reached for her hand and pulled her back. She saw the question in his eyes. Uncertain of her reactions she pushed him back making to get back to the scooty. He was silent most of the way back and she was chattering all through. She knew she was nervous. She knew that if she had encouraged him many years ago, the relationship may have blossomed into being more than classmates. She had been scared of her parents not agreeing to a match. Socially unacceptable and impossible! Would it have been different if she had chosen to defy society and parents? She had no courage then! So she had decided that it was best not to acknowledge. The ghosts of the past were still present. Though her parents were beyond the realms of dictating, she saw another shadow lurking in background. A shadow of their choice for her!

As she came to a halt in the drive of her home she felt wistful that the day would now end. But he was determined to pursue his moment and invited her out for dinner. She was surprised and thrilled at the same. They agreed to meet at half past 8 and he said he would pick her up. He asked her to wear something formal and be ready for a dance or two. She was reminded of the date that had never materialized so many years back.

She hated this business of having to make a selection of clothes and especially formal. In the end she settled on a pleated white skirt of full length and paired it with a beautiful top in burnt orange. Simple silver choker and ear studs completed her accessories. She was just finishing her subtle make-up when he came to fetch her. She hurried into the living room and

saw him waiting for her. He was wearing a pair of jeans and shirt paired with a jacket, looking COOL! She was about to slip on her usual flat shoes and remembered that they were to go dancing. She discarded the comfortable flats for trendy heels and turned to go. Neither realized what a handsome couple they made.

He drove to the heart of the city and turned towards the hill top. He said that he wanted to try the new lounge cum restaurant that had opened at the hill-top. Apparently the place had a splendid lounge and dance floor. The place lived up to its reputation. The location was awesome and overlooked the river. The dining area was on an open terrace offering the view of the cruising party boats in the river. They were shown to a table by the hostess and thus began an evening to remember! The music was exceptionally good and the band played a mix of numbers that kept them on the floor most of the time. When they came back to the table finally, the kitchen was taking last orders. They ordered simple meal and lingered over the dessert and coffee.

“This place is so peaceful. I am enjoying myself so much. Thank you!” She said

“I am stuffed and feel so heavy. Guess I will need to take a stroll before going to bed.”

“Come on! If you are done, we can take the stroll now. The premises of this place are supposed to be beautiful. We can explore the old structure.”

He saw her face light up at the mention of an adventure and yet there was a hesitation. It took him seconds to get up and pull her chair back. She seemed incapable of refusing, in spite of all the warnings that she heard in her head. She was unsure yet looking forward to the stroll. If she were to be honest with herself she looked forward to not just the exploration of the premises!

The property owners seemed to have developed the pathways and roads very well. At the far end they saw the entrance and the flight of steps leading to the entrance. As they stood at the foot they realized that it was a steep climb.

“Race you to the top!” He challenged her. On the count of three they ran up the steps each determined to win the race. He had almost reached the top when he realized that he was

running alone. She was limping up the steps. Worried he climbed down to check on her. No sooner did he reach the step where she sat, then he saw the wicked smile and she raced to the top, heels in hand and laughing at him. He felt stupid at being tricked and followed her, rage written loud and clear on his face. She was still laughing when he reached her and pulled her to face him. Her laughter froze as she sensed his anger. Instantly scared, she thought that she had crossed the line. Men, she knew hated losing, especially to a woman! This was going to be a repeat of all her past experiences. She braced herself to face whatever was to come.

He saw the quick succession of emotions reflected on her face. The laughter replaced by fear, then worry and then resignation. He was shocked out of his anger and wondered where did the fear come from? His grip on her arm slackened and expressions on his face changed.

He was no longer angry. She saw the confusion on his face and sat down with a resolve to share her past and present with him. He leaned forward with a resolve to drive away the fear. They looked at each other with a question on their lips.

They sensed an answer a mere whisper away!