Adios

I bid goodbye to one of my wedding gifts today. A gas range gifted by a dear friend. It had served me faithfully for last 10 years before finally looking worn out. Just like my relationship with this friend. We shared a close bond for almost 10 years from 1989 to 1999. Time and distance played its part and the friendship is surviving on memories today. Its like a beautiful silk carpet, where threads are loose but the motifs are intact!

Over the years there are so many others things that have slipped out of my life to make way for new ones. People, hobbies, interests, material things and much more. I am looking at the years in two distinct compartments, before marriage and after marriage. Why am I slotting my life in this fashion? Why is marriage the dividing milestone? Well, life sure changed the most after marriage.

In the last few years, I have unknowingly said goodbye to the concept of “me” and “mine”. I seem to have grown into “us” and “ours”. Some of my friends would surely look at it from a feminist point of view and lecture me on preserving my identity and look after myself etc. But honestly, I have only blossomed in this enriching experience called marriage. My individuality is intact amongst “Us”. I have happily grown into the relationship that is “Ours” to nurture.

Another thing that I have parked for a while now is painting. It’s more of an “au revoir” to painting than adieu. In painting I used to find a platform of expressing my thoughts and feelings. The need to paint faded in pursuit of career and youth. However, expression and creativity manifests itself in different forms and I found joy in writing. Very recently, I have discovered that I can write poetry too!

Late night parties, clubbing out, drinking binges and grouping about town has taken a walk out of life. Instead, I find myself reading late, watching movies, doing rounds of theaters and taking off out of town. I do miss the dancing at times!

Sweets are out and fruits are in!

Skirts were out but now they are in!

Friends of adolescence are distant! Friends of today are reality!

Temper is out Patience is in!

Lonliness is once upon a time! Comfort is always a given!

I am wondering whether these are finite changes? Frankly, I am not so bothered about whether the change is absolute and irreversible. I know it will not be so! That’s not me. I enjoy flowing with the moment. I enjoy looking at what has happened. As I explore what feelings are attached to the changes that I have recounted, I come up with one word – satisfaction. I have the satisfaction of having lived every moment to its fullest and having experienced every change in the moment. The transition has been gradual and flowing. I have been listening to my inner voice.

Signing off with a final thought on goodbyes!

Old and new
Jostling along
One moves ahead
One falls beyond

A tear falls
A smile dawns
A flower wilts
A Swing Tilts

He smiled and said,
Adieu my friend!
Au revoir! I said
It’s never the end…