15 going on 16

15 going on 16….

Life is indeed a circle. In fact I think it’s more like wheels within wheels within wheels. One large circle i.e. the entire life, then comes the circle of education, and then comes the circle of work and so on and so forth. We add so many small and large circles to it. Call it circle or a cycle it’s just that – a non-linear space! I see it as circles because; I feel it’s never really a watertight compartment. Therefore, I see it as a non-linear space. Each of these circles has a life span and pace that is independent of each other, yet dependant on each other. If we consider a) child, b) adolescent, c) adult and d) death as four main stages of life, each of these circles are simultaneously exhibiting various stages. For eg. Theoretically I am and I am seen as (by others) an adult. Yet I feel like an adolescent in my professional life. This concept stared me in face as I was reflecting on what is happening in my professional life at the moment. I am simultaneously an adult and an adolescent and may just enter the toddler stage once again. It’s exciting! This awareness gave me a kind of a kick, you see!

I find myself in an adolescent stage of my career. Almost like what I was when I was 15. At 15, I was full of ideas. I wanted to do everything at the same time. I was willing to do hundred things at a time. It was a time when my parents, family members, friends and almost everybody wanted to know, what I wanted to do with my life. Everybody had a suggestion and an advice. I had so many options and everything looked so attractive. The options ranged from being a lecturer to getting into National School of Drama. It was exciting at the same time confusing. Somewhere down the line I decided to do what my father recommended. I don’t think it was a choice of my heart. It was however the most logical choice and the most dependable option, as it came from my father for whom I had stars in my eyes. So the decision was made and I put my heart into it. I still remember that journalism was my first option. Yet Dad’s option was a more practical one. It was the sunrise industry and I deiced to do Hotel Management. It was a good decision, too! Working in hospitality sector with one of the best employers in that industry, groomed me as a professional – physically and mentally, both. I got international exposure, as well. Neither dad nor I had foreseen the way media has exploded in last 15 years. Had we visualized that, I may have been doing just that today. The reason I wanted to journalism was because it was a logical field of work for my natural talent to write. But the thought then was, it is not going to bring in big bucks and world exposure. In hindsight, seems like such a foolish thought. However, my love for writing did not diminish and I picked up the threads when I started blogging. I was back to my first option, in a way!

The love affair with hospitality business continued for 15 years in various organizations in various roles. It took turns with every new organization that I joined and has seemingly reached a plateau at the moment. I am once again in search of a career that will satisfy my need to make a difference. I am looking for a space that will give me opportunities to write. I am longing for company of people where my cognitive needs are met with. Let’s face it that most of our waking hours is spent at work. Given that, I need intelligent company around me. I am thirsting for personal growth. I was looking forward to personal growth as a 15-year-old girl and am once again looking for personal growth as a 15-year-old professional. I am an adolescent all over again. No difference in my state of being! But there is a big difference in the circumstances. Now, there is not much advice, not many suggestions. Parental support is different. It has changed from “helping our girl decide” to “standing by what my girl decides”. The same people who wanted to know what I wanted to do in life now question me as to “why I am doing this to my life, i.e. playing with fire, risking all that is stable and comfortable etc. etc.?” It’s going to be a seemingly adult decision. Yet I know that it will have all the maturity of an adolescent. Risky business this is and scary too!

It’s risky because it’s not about just changing the organization to get a higher designation and pay packet. I am contemplating changing the field of work, it self. Scary cause I may not succeed and may then have to start all over again, face the music and hear the “I knew this will happen” from people! Success is important to me and I have so far succeeded in whatever I have done. So given the odds, the likelihood is that I shall succeed in the new field as well. Frankly, the decision to make a change is done. It’s only a matter of weighing the highest probability of success between the two options. Having said that, the minute I enter the new field of work, I see myself at a toddler stage. Taking tentative and baby steps as I pick up domain knowledge and club it with my expertise gained from past assignments.

That is why I feel that life is a circle! I find myself coming back to the same stages of life again and again. It enriches my personality. Indeed I grow after each experience.

I am struck by my own capacity to behold many roles all at once. I am grateful for the ability to go through various stages simultaneously with a clear head. Had I not had a clear head, life would have been one hell of a mixer-grinder, I suppose! I am happy that I remain the person that I am while dealing with all these stages of life. While I am dealing with this personal need to grow and change, I am faced with situations at home, within the family and within the work group. I am dealing with these situations holding the roles as a wife, a family member, a daughter, a friend and a Boss. That does not change. No one really makes allowances for me just because I am going through the famous “mid-life crisis”. I don’t make allowances for myself, so why should others? I may choose to see this as professional adolescence, yet fact remains that I am not an adolescent in worldly sense. In the larger scheme of things I am an adult!

I see myself as an eternal learner. Reminds me of David Kolb’s learning cycle.

Every concrete experience leads to a new reflection leading to a new concept, which further takes me to a new situation and back to a new experience. J It’s great to be a child, an adolescent and an adult all at the same time in different spaces.

I think, that this is true of every relationship also. Each relationship is born, goes through the growing up pains (which we so nicely call maturing), then stabilizes and hits a plateau and finally dies when the life of that relationship is over. On the face of it, it looks so simple. Yet it’s the variables involved that make it unique. Life is a complex circle! A beautiful one!